did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize