Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
