That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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