u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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