we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
