I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
