why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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