So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
