No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
