guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
