like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
