I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
