my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
