I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
