Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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