I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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