I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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