She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am available for nakedness
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
