Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
