My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
