But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
