I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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