you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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