Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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