wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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