It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
