Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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