She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is the high leading the old right now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
