everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
