my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize