just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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