Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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