I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
