I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We named our party play list daddy issues
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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