tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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