theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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