i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
