You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
