I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
