UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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