i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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