yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize