I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
