I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize