I'm going to jail i love you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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