the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
