I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
