My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
