She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
