2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
