i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
