she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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