Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
