my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
