you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize