The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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