she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My vagina is officially offended.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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