Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize