Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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