My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize