i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
