tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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