she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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