his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
