oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
