Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
