either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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