i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
