Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
