fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just found puke in my bra..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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